


Memories

by inoriyaaa



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Really Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 18:29:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19751356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inoriyaaa/pseuds/inoriyaaa
Summary: Sometimes, we wish that we forget some things. Sometimes, we wish not to recall some things. There are moments when we want to forget yesterday while not thinking of tomorrow. We want to live today without thinking. However, some were just forced to enjoy their day for they do not know if the next day was the end.Life is like a novel. Every time a new day comes, it means we already turned the page to the next. But what if your life stopped at a certain page? And it was a blank page...





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> I am not an expert when it comes to amnesia and I really am not sure if having an anterograde and retrograde amnesia at the same time is possible.  
> ***Anterograde amnesia refers to the inability to create new memories due to brain damage, while long-term memories from before the event remain intact.  
> *** Retrograde amnesia refers to inability to recall memories before onset of amnesia. One may be able to encode new memories after the incident.  
> According to some experts both can occur simultaneously or at the same time but is yet to be proven.

“You looked at me with a pitiful look, _I can never forget that…_

**_I can never forget that…_ **

**_I can never forget that…_ **

I was mistaken and now I can’t even remember your face.”

– Memory (VIXX Hyuk & Ravi)

**_“Every day, I would repeat drawing you and erasing you. I would handle all the suffering, I just wish that you would be happy.”_ **

Cries filled the room where Mina was in. How was she supposed to react? Was she supposed to cry as well? Momo never liked her crying. She could only try to be strong even when she was a weak person. But just like everyone else, she broke down after a few minutes. Her girlfriend, Hirai Momo, was inside the emergency room after a massive car crash. Four cars – a truck, a van, a motorcycle, and the car where Momo was – crashed into each other, leaving the motorcycle rider dead and the passenger of the van in coma. The truck driver and the driver of the van were both drunk due to some reasons. Momo’s condition was no better. She was inside the dreadful room for three hours.

Mina was almost numb. She did not know what to do or how to feel as negative thoughts clouded her mind. _What if Momo was dead? What if she could not make it?_ Mina bit her lower lip to prevent herself from crying. She would not be able to handle if that was the case. She could not imagine a life without Momo. That would be as horrible as being cursed by every witches in fairytales. It was scary.

The doctor finally opened the door of the emergency room, looking a bit haggard. Three hours inside the emergency room was not easy. However, he knew, the people waiting outside the room was even more exhausted. Everyone looked like they were about to really break.

“How is she? How is my daughter?” A middle-aged woman immediately walked over to the doctor. Her black hair was a mess, her eyes were red, and her wrinkles were visible. She was Momo’s mom. More than anyone else, she was especially concerned.

“She’s safe for now but she is still unconscious. We have to carefully observe her since it seems like her brain has the most damage. She also has a skull fracture so we have to watch over her. We need to perform CT scan as soon as possible to check if she has some brain damages. We also have to perform MRI. We would like to perform the tests as soon as possible,” the doctor explained, “Also, she got 4 broken ribs, a fractured foot, and a split disk but all of that will recover soon.”

**_“This weather, this temperature, this passing wind, will I remember it?”_ **

For three agonizing days, Mina had to get used to a very hard cycle – the hardest in her life for 24 years. She had to go to work as an office worker at 7, finishing her paper works and also Momo’s. Momo was a talented young woman, got herself a nice job and built her own company within 4 years, right after she graduated. She started buying shares when she was 18 and finally had a successful company at 25. She was a genius who owned Mina’s workplace. The girl shook her head as thoughts began to cloud her mind once again. She should not think of her while working or she would not be able to finish anything at all. She checked her phone for the umpteenth time that day, hoping that she would at least get the message that Momo was already awake. But there was none.

“I don’t know how you can still go to work when you’re that depressed,” Sana, a good friend of Mina, stated, “If you cannot work, just stay beside Momo.”

Mina shook her head, “Momo would not like that. She would like it more if I work instead. I could not let her hard work go in vain just after a few days.”

“You did not even sleep last night,” Sana pointed out.

What the girl said was true. Mina would always go to the hospital after work to look over her girlfriend. The results of the examinations just came out a day ago and it was nowhere near a good news. Momo’s brain was badly damaged. She had brain damage to all parts of the brain including the hippocampus. The doctors feared that she might suffer from amnesia the moment she woke up. No one was certain so all they could do was to wait for the girl to wake up. Honestly, Mina got even more scared because of that. She did not want to be forgotten. For some reasons, she was even more scared of that than farewell and breaking up. It was selfish of her but she could not help it.

“I wouldn’t be able to sleep until she wakes up, Sana,” Mina sighed, “Now, let me just finish these files so that I could go to Momo early,” she said, turning her focus back to the files that she was sorting out.

Three days without Momo was hell. That was the time she realized that her world was already revolving around Momo. Without her, Mina was no one. Mina was nothing without her. She was lost in a dark cave not able to turn back.

**_“I wonder if I’ve been erased from your mind. Forever, should I just be erased forever?  
Honestly, rather than breaking up, that’s what I’m more afraid of.”_ **

The moment Mina entered the ward, she was surprised seeing Momo staring at nothing. Her mother was crying so hard in agony while the doctor and the nurse were trying to calm her down, “I’m your mother, Momo,” Momo’s mother kept on crying. She seemed to be in so much pain emotionally.

Mina bit her lower lip to prevent herself from crying and ran to Mrs. Hirai and hugged her. It broke her heart. She needs not to be told. Momo forgot about her and about everything else. The doctor and the nurse both lowered their heads to show sympathy before leaving the room, “She could not remember us, Mina-chan,” Mrs. Hirai cried even more. Mina would have cried too. She would have expressed how broken she was. But she noticed how Momo’s head was lowered as if she was trying to contain her sadness. She had to be strong for Momo. It must have been hard for her.

“Are you… are you my mother?” Momo asked, meeting Mrs. Hirai’s eyes.

The older woman nods, crying so hard, “I’m your mother. Your name is Momo. Hirai Momo. You’re my daughter,” tears fell from her eyes continuously so she hugged her daughter with such longing.

Mina left the mother and daughter to talk. She could wait. She was happy enough that Momo was safe. It’s all right even if she forgot about her as long as she’s alive. They could just create their own memories again. She nodded to herself, full of determination even when she was really broken inside.

“Right,” she muttered, wanting to act tough, “Right, we can just start over again. We can do that.”

She entered the room about an hour later when Mrs. Hirai had to leave for an appointment. Momo looked so confused seeing her but after seeing her red eyes, her expression turned softer and she looked at her with guilty eyes. Mina did not like the sight so her stomach churned. She did not like seeing her sad, not like this. In return, she forced herself to smile so that she could assure her that it was fine.

“My name is Mina,” she told her, giving her a small smile, “I’m your girlfriend. But since you don’t remember, we can be friends first,” she said, trying to stop herself from crying. It was painful, really. Starting over was not as easy as it seemed. It was hard. It was painful.

Momo looked at her before lowering her head in guilt. Why was she not able to recall anything? Was she to be blamed? All the memories that were supposed to be in her mind all faded away. She forgot everything. The woman who claimed to be her mother told her that she was not at fault but the guilt of not being able to remember was too much for her to bear. When she looked at the girl in front of her, her heart throbbed in an unfamiliar manner because of pain and happiness. The sad look she had, she knew she would not be able to forget that, “I’m sorry…” she muttered, “I’m sorry for not remembering you,” she said, her hands curled into a fist as she spoke. She felt pathetic.

Mina finally let her tears flow out of her eyes as she reached out and hugged the older girl, “It’s okay,” She shook her head, burying her face on her shoulders as she sobbed. Momo knew she was lying. It pained her to death but it’s for Momo’s sake so she would be fine, “You don’t have to remember. We can make new memories,” she smiled when Momo hugged her back. Momo hugged her so tight and she was almost certain that she wanted to hold onto her. Mina was almost certain that she would not be forgotten once again.

****

**_“So, don’t forget me. Please remember me.  
Farewell only comes once but why does longing come a lot?”_ **

Mina was able to sleep that night, knowing that Momo was alive. That was good enough for her despite her not being able to remember her. She woke up early the next morning and prepared the things that she wanted to show Momo. She prepared the scrap book that Momo made during their 200th day celebration. She also prepared the diary where she wrote almost everything about her and Momo. Mina started writing there since the day she fell in love with her. Yes, Momo being alive was good enough but her greed was growing and she wanted her to at least know how their relationship was.

It was not bad to show her those, right? After all, Momo had the right to know. Then, they would start all over again. Everything would be all right. That’s right. Everything would be all right.

Mina was smiling when she arrived at the hospital. She was excited to see her, to embrace her once again. However, the doctor called her upon seeing her, “What is it, doctor?” she asked him.

Mina’s world crumbled down, her stomach churned, and her heart dropped at the sentence that she heard next, “Momo’s condition is a rare one. I’m afraid that it will be too much to bear. She has both retrograde and anterograde amnesia. There’s nothing we can do to heal it.”

Mina’s heart broke into million pieces. Her heart was hurting and her stomach churned. She felt numb.

****

**_“Because you loved too much, you could not have it.”_ **

Momo was staring at nothing in particular. The doctor left several minutes ago just after asking her some questions. He did not tell Momo anything. In the end, Momo was trying to figure out everything on her own. What was wrong with her? How come she could not remember anything? How come she could not even remember her own name? Wait, there was one thing that she could remember. It was a female looking at her sadly, tears flowing from both of her eyes. Momo knew she would not be able to forget that pitiful look that she gave her. But then, she was mistaken. She could not even remember her face or her voice. The feeling that she was once feeling for the girl all disappeared. The image she once had become blurry, fading away like a dust in the wind, and turned blank just like her other memories. What was happening? She had no idea. All she knew was she hated the feeling. It was the feeling of being lost in an eternal maze. It frightened her.

The door opened, revealing a girl. She was staring at Momo, looking very sad, and successfully making her heart sink into her stomach. What was that feeling? But she smiled at her, a forced smile. That did not make her feel any better. Instead, it pained her inside even without her knowing. Her mind could not remember anything but why could her heart still feel the pain? It was unexplainable, “Who are you?” Momo asked though a part of her seemed to know the answer. It was in the tip of her tongue yet her mind was rumbled and even she could not understand what she was thinking.

“I’m Mina, your girlfriend,” the girl replied, walking closer to her. She looked like she was going to break anytime so Momo did not know what to do.

“I cannot remember you…” Momo said. Her voice was soft, afraid that if she spoke louder, the girl would just break like a glass. Even without remembering her, she was still afraid to hurt her.

“I know,” Mina still forced herself to smile despite dying inside, “I’ll just… let’s make new memories,” she said even if she was feeling bitter. Who was she kidding? Past memories would be impossible to recover and new memories would be impossible to be made in Momo’s case. Mina’s heart clenched at the thought. What was she supposed to do? She could do nothing but to cling on foolishly.

“What is… what is wrong with me?” Momo asked, seeing Mina’s crestfallen appearance. Somehow, something inside her was hurting when she saw that expression.

“Would you like to go outside? The garden here is pretty nice,” Mina tried to change the topic. She did not want Momo to know about it. She did not want her to get hurt. Momo looked so vulnerable that she did not want to do anything that would probably lead her to be in pain. If it was for Momo, Mina would be more than willing to get hurt alone – as long as Momo would not be affected.

****

**_“Like everyone else, our love is bound to change in some ways.  
But don’t be sad.”_ **

The wind was cold yet nice. The flowers danced with the wind that they gave out a pleasant feeling. Mina took notice of it all. She was too drown in her thoughts as she wheeled Momo. The latter also did not feel any better. She was thinking about everything – her own self, her non-existent memories, Mina, the pain she might have felt, and everything else. She did not know what to do, “What is wrong with me?” She asked so softly, her voice was barely clear. She heard Mina sigh and it broke her heart for some reasons. Perhaps, Momo’s mind forgot but her heart still remembered. Perhaps, it was like that.

Mina had no choice but to tell Momo so she kneeled in front of her. After all, she had all the rights to know about her own condition. Mina explained everything as careful as she could. She did not want her to get hurt so she phrased her words carefully. She was really scared.

“I’m sorry,” Momo apologized, wiping Mina’s tears using her thumb. She felt bad because Mina was hurting when she could not even remember her.

Mina shook her head, “No, don’t be sorry,” she said, even giving her a small smile. She unzipped her bag and took out her diary, “Please hold onto this diary. This is filled with precious memories between us. I want you to continue writing on it and continue writing everything. Write everything that will happen to us every day,” she told her. Her voice was soft and it was a bit shaky.

Momo felt like she had no other choice so she nodded her head. If she declined, she knew that it would crush the younger girl’s heart, “I’ll fill it with our memories…” she muttered, a bit unsure.

****

**_“If I were to choose between you and the world, even if everything is taken away from me,  
if it’s for you, I’m okay.”_ **

A day passed just like that. Mina did everything to make Momo happy and vice versa. It was as if no illness was trying to ruin their once perfect relationship. It was as if there was no boundary at all. Was this the proof that love knew no boundary?

“Will I forget you tomorrow when I wake up?” Momo asked when Mina was wiping her face with a wet towel carefully. She was genuinely scared. She did not know how it was possible to fall in love with someone she could not even remember. Was the heart that powerful? Did feelings actually grow that fast? Maybe it was a yes. But it was not as easy as it seemed. If she were to be in love, she wanted to remember.

Mina smiled. It was not a happy smile but a bitter one, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. We’ll just do the same thing tomorrow,” she said, trying to sound happy, “Sleep now, okay? I still have to go to the office,” she even chuckled just to make herself sound lively when everything was breaking inside of her. She then stood up, preparing to leave.

Momo reached out for her hand to stop her. She shivered slightly because of an electric-like thing flowed through her spine the moment her hand touched hers, “I love you, Mina…” she said, making the girl smile for real, “I’ll forget about you but I’ll love you again. I promise.”

Mina patted Momo’s head, smiling happily, “Please do. If you do, I won’t mind being forgotten over and over again,” she said to the older girl, “As long as we can start over again and again,” she added. A tear accidentally escaped her left eye so she quickly left the room. She could not help to cry as she walked.

Though she said that it’s okay, it was still very painful for her. Even though she smiled, the thought of being forgotten was very painful. It was like swallowing broken pieces of glass just to make it stab your heart. It was suffocating her and she felt like a beggar begging for affection. But it was all okay. Crying and pain was worth it because Momo was with her. It’s a pain, a beautiful pain. Love, it was supposed to be like that, right? It was supposed to hurt so damn much that you’d be lost, right? It was almost funny how loving someone was the most beautiful thing yet also the most painful thing in the world.

****

****

**_“It’s okay even if everything breaks down.  
Inside my head, inside my heart, I have a lot of memories to remember.”_ **

Momo sighed when Mina left. She took out the diary that Mina had left with her. She knew that if she slept, she would forget everything—Mina told her so. She wanted to stay awake but that might break the younger girl’s heart even more. Even if she could not remember her, Mina showed her how much she cared. Momo grabbed a ball pen and started writing on the diary as neat as she could. She wanted to write what she felt about everything so that she could remind herself the next day.

It would be her reminder so that even if she forgot everything else, she could remember how much she loved Mina and how much she loved her, too. Momo knew she could not forget that. She knew she should not forget about that. But then, she also knew that the moment she closed her eyes to sleep, the image of Mina loving her would fade once again. She would not remember her face and she would not be able to remember the love that she felt. She could try holding on but it was not easy so she would forget about everything again. Mina’s eyes, her touch, all of those would fade after a little while. Tears escaped from her eyes and without her knowing, she was already crying. However, at some point those tears would dry up and she would forget the reason why she was crying. She felt bad for Mina. While she would forget everything, the pain would only build up inside of the younger girl. It was so unfair.

Momo continued to write. She wrote everything she could as her tears fell. She could choose not to sleep but Mina would feel bad. She would not want that to happen. Call her selfish but she preferred not to remember anything because it was too much for her to bear.

**_“It was so sweet that I had a nightmare. We started everything from the beginning.”_ **

Two weeks had passed with the pattern being the same. Mina and Momo would enjoy their day together. Momo would write on the diary that she would always find on the table that was beside her bed to remind herself of the things that happened then forgetting Mina the next day. The pattern kept on repeating. Deep inside, Mina was already tired of it. However, she still had that small hope that she would remember. It would not matter to Mina if Momo would just remember her name, or just her face. As long as she recalled something about her, she would be fine. But Momo could not remember anything.

“Mina, are you okay?” Momo asked when she noticed that Mina was just staring at nowhere in particular, thinking deeply about something. Both of them were eating at a nearby restaurant since Momo just got discharged from the hospital.

Mina blinked her eyes, surprised a bit before forcing herself to smile. No, she was not okay but she had to act like she was, “Of course. What would you like to do after this?” She asked.

“If it’s okay, I would like to see where I live. I want to stay there,” Momo said.

After eating, the two of them went to Momo’s house. It was a house that Momo bought by her own money. She desperately tried to find the best appliances for the house so that she and Mina could live there after getting married. Mina could only smile at the memory. At the moment, that was too far from reality. How were they supposed to get married if she would forget about her the next day? That would be funny – hilariously painful, ridiculously hurtful.

“What’s this diary for?” Momo asked when she was taking out the things from her bag. They were both sitting on her bed in her bedroom.

“I gave that to you. I wrote a lot of things there since the day that I started falling for you as cheesy as it might sound,” Mina forced herself to chuckle. That question was a question asked by Momo every single day. She was tired of explaining it all over again. She did not mind that. What she minded was the fact that the more she explained things all over again, the more she felt the pain of being forgotten. She wanted to yell out, to scream out to Momo. She wanted to ask her why she wouldn’t try to remember. But she chose not to. It would not do her any good. It would just hurt her and Momo.

“I see…” Momo could only mutter, seeing Mina’s pained expression. She felt bad for not remembering. “Can I read it?” she asked.

“Of course, I’ll go out first, okay?” Mina excused herself. Without even waiting for the older girl’s reply, she ran out of the room as tears were flowing out of her eyes again. She could not help herself. Every day, she had to shed tears. She knew that if someone was in pain because of love, tears were the only medicine. But why were the tears unable to mend her broken heart and all the wounds that she had? It was all too cruel to her. Why was she the only one who’s in pain? “No, don’t be selfish,” She told herself. “Momo is hurting more,” She cried, “I’m so sorry, Momo,” For the nth time since the accident, she apologized. She was not at fault but she kept on saying that she’s sorry. Perhaps, she was apologizing for not being strong enough, for being weak.

Perhaps, she was at fault too. How come she never expected the accident to happen? If only she prevented Momo from driving that day, maybe the accident would not occur. Maybe it was really her fault! Maybe, just maybe, she was being punished by the heavens for some reasons.

She took out a pen and started writing just so she could express her feelings. She got used to expressing her feelings using writing since she realized that she had no one to lean on anymore.

**_“It does not matter how much, if it’s you, I’m ready to get hurt.”_ **

Momo turned the pages of the diary. She felt bad when she read how much Mina loved her. Why couldn’t she just remember? Finally, she stopped at the page that she had written. She read everything that she wrote. She could not help but to feel sad as she read that. Her chest tightened so she clenched her fists. She did not know what to do for the feeling was killing her. She loved her, she really did. So, why could she not make her happy? Why was Mina always crying because of her? She realized that she made her cry every day. She was the cause of her pain and her suffering. Why was she so selfish?

She let out a soft groan when she was done reading before standing up to follow Mina. Her other injuries were nearly healed so she could walk by herself as long as she’s careful. Arriving at the living room, she found Mina sleeping. The tears that once fell on her face were nearly dry but Momo was able to notice them so she wiped her cheeks, feeling bad. She noticed that there was a paper on Mina’s lap. As careful as she could, she took it. From the things written on Mina’s diary, she was sure that she liked writing what she felt when she could not express them by speaking. She did not know if she should smile or cry when she read the thing that she wrote.

_“Don’t forget me. I have never forgotten you even for a second so please remember me. I will keep our precious times inside of me. Even if the pain comes in many times, our happy times, I won’t forget those. I’ll remember them. Please remember.”_

Momo could not help but to cry. She was not able to remember anything so Mina was suffering alone. Why was she not able to do anything to make her happy despite Mina doing everything for her?

“Momo, are you crying?” Mina gasped before taking the paper from the older girl, “Don’t mind this, okay? It does not mean anything,” She wiped the tears of Momo.

“Why are you hurting alone?” Momo asked, “Why are you still beside me? I cause you nothing but pain. Leave me. Run away from me. It’s fine. I’ll forget about it anyway.”

Mina’s heart sank into her stomach, hearing the last sentence. She knew that. She was well-aware that she would be forgotten. She was stupid. She could not just leave, “I’ll stay beside you as long as I can. Forget me if you want but I’ll stay beside you. Just don’t push me away,” She felt like a beggar. But her feelings and concern for the other girl was so strong that she could not stay away. She must have loved her so much.

Momo was not able to say anything for her parents suddenly arrived. Mina did not say anything else and just excused herself. She wanted to leave so that she could cry even more. For the past two weeks, all she did was run away even if she felt dumb for doing so.

**_“Don’t forget about you and me. You can’t forget about you and me.”_ **

That night, Momo wrote another thing in the diary. She stated how much she loved the girl even if she kept on forgetting her. She was afraid that she might forget her.

“You cannot fall asleep, Momo,” She told herself. “If you do, you’ll forget about Mina.”

She was afraid of losing her memories so that night, she did not sleep, not even a wink. She did not feel sleepy as she was busy crying and writing random things. She would not want to forget about her again. She read Mina’s diary over and over again. She realized how much she needed her memories with Mina—the times she cried and laughed with her, everything. She could not forget just like that. She loved her so much to forget so why? She would give up everything if it meant remembering Mina. Even if it meant that she would get hurt, it would be fine by her. As long as she remembered, she’d pay anything.

She needed her memories of the times they were laughing and crying with each other. She needed the memories of Mina’s smiling face. She needed those.

**_“As if time has stopped, just like what we always wanted.  
Remember, remember, remember.”_ **

Morning finally came and Mina arrived as early as she could only to find a pale Momo sitting on her bed, staring at nothing in particular. She walked closer to her, forcing a big smile to appear on her face.

Momo turned to the younger girl and seeing her smile only caused her pain. Was she like that to her every day? Was she pretending to be cheerful every day? “Who are you?” she asked, pretending not to know. She could see Mina’s pained expression but the girl immediately smiled wider.

“My name is Mina. You probably don’t remember but I am your girlfriend,” Mina went on and on. It broke Momo’s heart to see her fake her own happiness. Why was she like that? She could always walk away from her. Why did she choose to stay? She could just leave. She could just go to a place where there was no pain – that place was away from her.

“Stop it. I don’t want to hear it,” Momo snapped. She was annoyed. She was hurt. The wound was too deep in her heart and no medicine would heal it. She could not help herself. She felt bad. She wanted to protect the girl—away from the things that would hurt her, away from people who would cause her pain. Momo knew that she, herself, was the source of pain.

Mina froze. That was the first time that she snapped at her, not even when they used to argue weeks ago. Momo hated snapping at her because she knew that the younger girl could be a bit sensitive. So, why was she snapping at her now? Was it because she could not remember?

Mina did not know that it would hurt her so much. She felt her eyes hurt as tears try to escape from them. It was just too much. She tried to open her mouth to say something but no words would come out of them. She did not know what to say or do so she just stayed on her spot, frozen, absorbing everything. Was she too annoying for Momo?

Momo grabbed her wrist all of a sudden and pulled her into a hug. She could not take seeing her look so sad, “I’m sorry,” she cried. Her voice was soft and soothing but shaky at the same time. Her hands were shaking as well when she hugged the Mina, “I’m sorry,” she repeated herself, crying as she did so. Why did the girl have to suffer so much because of her? Why did the girl choose to suffer? “I’m so sorry,” she meant it. She was sorry for everything, snapping at her was one of them but more than anything, she was sorry for forgetting her and hurting her in the process.

**_“The image of you loving me is fading away.  
I can’t see your face. The love is being forgotten.”_ **

The day ended smoothly, at least, that was what it looked like. Mina had no idea that Momo did not forget for she did not sleep. The older girl felt bad but she had no courage to tell her. That day, she had witnessed how much Mina cried again and she knew she could not take it anymore.

For all her life, Momo had been selfish. Even when she forgot everything, she remained the same. She wanted to do something selfless but she would still end up hurting herself and Mina. But she had finally decided. If she were to disappear, Mina would move on. The said younger girl would finally look at other directions and she would stop hurting. There would be one less burden in her life.

The moment Mina left, Momo locked herself in her room, writing her last letters. She wrote a letter to her parents and a letter for Mina who had always been there for her. Though she tried not to, she still cried as she wrote. It was a selfish choice but she was doing it for Mina—the person she loved the most. Her hands were shaky when she was writing. Her tears almost blinded her vision but she wiped them with her shaky hands. She would be disappearing soon. It scared her to disappear but staying and hurting Mina more seemed to be much more frightening.

_“This is my last letter for you. I have been thinking about this since yesterday. Yes, yesterday. I did not sleep because I was thinking about this. Will you be happy if I just let you go? I feel like I trapped you in my hands so you cannot leave me. I want you to stay beside me but I am now letting go of your hands that I unknowingly held so tightly. I want you to be happy. It’s finally time for me to give you all of my heart. The fact that we love is beautiful enough. I want to protect you from pain. I’ll protect you that’s why I’ll do this. Even if I have to shed tears once again, I’ll remember the ‘you’ of the past. I'll think of your eyes, your touch, your voice, your everything as I cry. Goodbye.”_

She smiled bitterly when she finally finished writing. Because she might only make Mina cry, because she might only give her pain, she would let her go. It was a beautiful pain to let go but she had to kill herself inside twice because letting her go was as good as dying. So, she finally did what she thought was the best thing to do to stop all the pain. She closed her eyes as the blade cut through the veins in her wrist.

She did remember her. All their memories together flashed in her mind. Everything, starting from how they started. She was glad. She was so happy. She was able to remember everything, even until after she takes her last breath, “Minari…” was the last word she muttered.

That night, she died. But she died while smiling because of her memories.

****_“It’s not going to take that long,  
until we meet in that place where there’s no farewell.  
Until then, just for a while… wait for me.”_

Mina laughed bitterly to herself. Had it been a years since Momo killed herself? No, it had only been a week but Mina was close to breaking down. Momo died because she thought that she was a burden. If only Mina had been more careful, if only she faked her happiness better, maybe Momo would still be alive. She was back to blaming herself. She knew that Momo wouldn’t like that but she could not help herself. If only she did better, Momo would not choose to kill herself.

“How are you, Momo?” She asked, looking at the sky. Only the waves of the beach and the wind replied to her, making her chuckle bitterly, “Are you crying because I’m not beside you? Are you sad too? Are you mad at me because I cannot be happy despite you doing everything to make me happy? Is that it?” She asked, tearing up as she did, “Newsflash, I cannot do it. I cannot be happy. Just because I cannot see you, it does not mean that I can forgive you right away, you know that, right?”

She walked barefooted at the beach. Before she knew it, the water was already soaking her feet. She laughed when she felt the cold water, “I’m going to meet you soon, Momo. We’ll be together. Wait for me,” she closed her eyes, continuing to walk.

She went deeper and deeper but in her head and in her mind, she had no regrets. She was going to meet Momo and that simple thought made her smile.

**_“A pleasant goodbye.  
In the end, there is no such thing in the world.”_ **

**Author's Note:**

> if you cried, it's alright 'coz me too while writing the last part lmao


End file.
